Using my Ears Twice as Much as my Mouth

On reflecting on my own listening skills and completing this Interactive Listening Self-assessment Tool, it is fair to say I have a few things to work on in the area of listening.

At the moment I would classify myself as a poor listener, as you can see from the list below I have highlighted some actions I am guilty of during conversations.

The poor listener will often;

• Look away 
• Interrupt
• Finishes other's sentences
• Offer solutions without asking
• Look bored or fidget
• Looks at their watch
• Ask too many questions
• Do most of the talking
• Give their opinion without asking

A focus for me will be to turn off my inner dialogue, so I am focussed on the speaker. By not having this dialogue running should also reduce the desire for me to interrupt or finish sentences, This will occur as I will not be biasing the conversation with my own thoughts.  I think increasing the use of questioning will stop me offering solutions or opinions. These questions need to be effective and not too numerous, and this will evolve as I work my way through this module especially looking at Joan Dalton's work again. I already have some critical questions from my previous blog post to use in upcoming work.

There are three different layers of listening:

• surface listening

• directed listening

• listening for learning. 

The key skills of listening for learning are:
Switching off your own inner dialogue
Sending out the right signals through non-verbal signals
Summarising
Suspending your own judgment
Showing empathy

A key for me to work towards listening for learning is working on summarising and paraphrasing, this is a focus from the last blog post as well.

How to Listen: Autobiographical Listening

Autobiographical Listening is where you ask a question to start a conversation that is in an area where you want to share something of your own. I am guilty of this at times and think I do it to build relationships with others by sharing my personal experiences to create connections with them. This enables me to then build trust and supports my work with them professionally.


Listening to the video and reflecting on its content I can see how this really shuts quiet people down and possibly creates a barrier to forming relationships and engagement in the work I do with teachers.

The suggestion form the video was to attempt to enter the other person's space and explore with their experiences with them. 

For example, when someone responds to the question of “how are you?” with "I am busy, rushed off my feet.", instead of saying "me too" and start telling them all about it, try asking a question, “What's keeping you busy?” and enter their world.


Asking an appropriate question opens up the possibility for discussion, and then listening creates the opportunity for dialogue and builds better relationships.

The importance of Non-Verbal Communication

Non-verbals communicate 90% of understanding of the message
Facial Expression
Eye contact
Physical appearance
Spatial Behaviour
Paralinguistics - Pitch and tone
Kinesics - posture and gestures

Reflecting on non-verbal communication, I think I read these well in other people, however possibly due to my poor listening skills I get mixed messages from the verbal message and the non-verbal cues not always matching up. Focussing on my listening should really support my practice. I will also take more note of non-verbal cues of others and try subtly reflecting these gestures.

Building Trust - Relationships Take Time

Relationships are so critical and take time. Reflecting back on term 1, this has been something that I have not done well with all the teachers I work with. I have been swamped in the first half of the term prioritising potentially the wrong things. Now towards the end of term one, this has meant I am not really where I want to be with my teachers.

Coaching and Mentoring is a focus for my inquiry, and I know that developing this is really going to improve my facilitation.

Building Trust in Mentoring Relationships from Mentor Modules on Vimeo.

In the first video, the mentor did not listen to the mentee at all and used the negative language of but, I have always been told as soon as you use "but" in a sentence, everything said beforehand is BS.

Suggestions for teaching practice that worked for the mentor may not necessarily work for the mentee. There was no real time or effort to get to know her mentee and work out what would work for her. The mentor did not read the body language of the mentee during the hui and she did not recognise she was uncomfortable. The mentor was friendly; however, she did not give choice or options or ask what the teacher wanted. The mentor was quite positive yet never built relationships at any stage.

The mentor modelled lessons but gave no choice, so the mentee was not engaged and was doing planning not focussed. The mentor got involved in the teaching and said how much she enjoyed taking the lesson, therefore, making the mentor feel even more like she was not doing a good job. The mentor offered help that she thought she needed and did not listen to her mentee or ask what advice she felt was needed.

In the end, the mentor understood the mentees position when she forcibly stated it, and then the mentor asked to start over and  "you tell me".

I think I do this in class at times as I feel a bit time poor especially in classes where I need to leave quickly to get to another room or school. In some hubs, the number of students makes building relationships and trust or even discuss planning or direction during the session almost impossible.

How do I overcome this? Discuss with leaders and teachers to reduce the number of students I work within a session. In term two I will aim to meet with all the teachers in the first 2-3 weeks to reflect on term 1 and also to continue to build the relationships. This week I will email all teachers and set up hui either before or after school.

Getting to Know You from Mentor Modules on Vimeo.

In the second video, the mentor takes a much different strategy by taking a back seat with her own sharing about herself and really focussing on listening and asking questions to gather more information such as "how so?", "what did you learn specifically?". The mentor also used paraphrasing, which enabled her to ensure she had the right understanding of what was being said and had not assumed based on her bias.

The mentor told a wee bit about herself but not in depth, and was more concerned about getting the mentee to talk about himself. She was using active listening and came across as really genuine in her desire to know about her mentee. She asked guided questions starting with a non-threatening one, "What are your strengths?". She asked about any concerns, however, did not jump into solutions and instead wanted to know if the mentee had any ideas to address his concerns? The mentor responded with a statement of  I understand and an invitation of "how can I help you?".

The mentor only offered suggestions when asked and even let the mentee decide how often do they meet and then negotiated to an acceptable outcome for both parties.

The mentor only talked about her own experience right at the end as a way of reassuring the mentee she understood where he was coming from. She had empathy for him as she had experienced a similar situation.

In my hui with teachers, I will look at utilising the same model and questions the mentor used in her hui.

First I am going to talk to the teachers about how I am doing a coaching and mentoring course and I am still learning how to be an active listener and how to use the coaching and mentoring model.

I will try paraphrasing and use the guiding questions, keeping it simple.  In Manaiakalani Outreach we use a reflection of What's working, What's not working and What do I need help with? I will discuss this as part of the hui.

Questions to start with

• Tell me about your experience teaching with devices
• Use these guiding questions: "how so?", "what did you learn specifically?"
• What are your strengths? What is working well with Outreach support?
• What are your concerns? Do you have any ideas to address your concerns? What are the solutions? What do you need and what can I do to help?
• What's not working with Outreach?
• How can I help you?