Dare to Lead with Kaila Colbin

Courageous Leading what is it. People struggle to define courage so let's define what it is not

Rumbling with Vulnerability 

• I will live in the arena and I will fail
• Vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage
• If your not in the arena

Courage is contagious however we need to drop our armour and be vulnerable. Brave work, tough conversations and whole hearts are the normal. Failure is embraced.

• Embrace the Suck - if it sucks you need to embrace it. 

If you are leading people we ask them to embrace the suck especially in with change management so we need to model.

Vulnerability Myths

• Venerability is a weakness - venerability requires risk, and requires us to be open to attack and exposure
• I don’t do vulnerability - personal venerability not systems vulnerability 
• I can go it alone
• You can engineer the uncertainty and discomfort out of vulnerability
• Trust comes before vulnerability - they go side by side
• Vulnerability  is disclosure - it is not telling people all about your issues with parents etc

Vulnerability is RISK, UNCERTAINTY AND EXPOSURE

Rumble

A rumble is a discussion conversation or meeting defined by a commitment:

• To lean into vulnerability
• To stick with it
• To take a break and circle back when necessary
• Being fearless in owning our parts
• To listen with the same passion with which we want to heard - active listening - this is one of my areas to develop - coaching and mentoring supporting - bring into family life as well

Think about having a Darth Mark (a dark side) - a useful tool in facilitation as allows you to prod and poke by giving licence eg I would like to bring this to the table remember this is just my dark side speaking however …

Shame

• We all have it - everyone has different contexts for shame
• We are afraid to talk about it
• The less we talk about it, the more is controls us - for eg - not having those difficult conversations cause shame and issues - impacts wellbeing

Shame Shields

Moving towards

• Seeking to appease and please

Moving away 

• Withdrawing
• Hiding
• Silencing
• Keeping secrets

Moving against

• Trying to gain power over others
• Being aggressive
• Using shame to fight shame

Grounded Confidence = rumble skills + curiosity + practice

Living into our values

We investigated our own values from this list and asked to pick 10 in a short time.

Kindness Thrift Cooperation Courage Creativity Knowledge Tradition Leadership Learning Travel Curiosity Trust Leisure Truth Diversity Efficiency Understanding Uniqueness Environment Making a difference Usefulness Nature Vision Openness Contribution Justice

Excellence Fairness Faith Wellbeing Family Parenting Wholeheartedness Patience Wisdom Financial stability Forgiveness Freedom Patriotism Peace Enter your own Friendship Perseverance Optimism Order Vulnerability Wealth Belonging Security Self-discipline Self-expression

Personal fulfilment Accountability Achievement Power Future generations Generosity Giving back Pride Adaptability Recognition Adventure Altruism Grace Resourcefulness Ambition Gratitude Respect Responsibility Risk-taking Safety Authenticity Balance Harmony Home Being the best

Self-respect Serenity Honesty Career Collaboration Humour Commitment Inclusion Community Independence Service Simplicity Spirituality Sportsmanship Stewardship Compassion Initiative Integrity Competence Confidence Intuition Connection Job security Success Contentment Teamwork

I choose Community, Efficiency, Family, Giving Back, Growth, Independence, Leisure, Vulnerability, Well Being and Accountability.

Then we narrowed then down to five Community, Family, Giving Back, Leisure and Wellbeing
and finally two values that we hold dear - Family and Wellbeing.

This was an interesting exercise and made me think about a few things, the main one being is that I fully live these values mainly in the school holidays.

Braving Trust

Clear is Kind. Unclear is Unkind.

• Boundaries - setting boundaries and protecting yourself stops feeling of shame, resentment, failure, etc.
• Reliability
• Accountability
• Vault
• Integrity
• None Judgement
• Generosity 

The Seven Elements of Trust

Learning to Rise

Check the conspiracies and confabulations 

The reckoning - how do you know when you are hooked? knowing yourself eg your body , heart etc

• Body - temp, vision, stomach, sweat
• Mind - thoughts that come up, blaming
• Behaviour
• Story we begin to tell - they found me out, they hate me etc

• Chandeliering like the saw that broke the camel's back
• Stockpiling - building up and then you crash
• The Umbridge - outside do not match inside- oh I am fine but inside seething.

The Rumble - stepping into the arena and engaging with the difficult conversations and situations - taking agency of how we can write a different version of the story

The Revolution - putting into daily practice

Impact on my Work

This hui has reinforced the importance of not stepping away from the conversations. My default shame shield is definitely moving away from the conflict even though I can normally work through the issues.

Taking a break and circling back is a strategy I am going to use a bit more of however I will need to ensure this is only ever done when I am able to reengage with a short time frame of less than one hour.

Overall I am happy with how I am progressing with my leadership skills and todays session will support my work with schools, as a board member and as a husband and father.